The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced & Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict by Shannon R. Rios MS LMFT

Author:Shannon R. Rios MS LMFT [Rios MS LMFT, Shannon R.]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2012-11-04T04:00:00+00:00

“We love you and we are all going to be OK. Your mom is here for you and your dad is here for you (or whatever may be the case in your family). We are going to work together.”

Conversation Continued With Your Child—Into The Next Few Weeks

Remember to keep your child informed as things change and progress. A weekly meeting would be a good idea so that children feel that they know what is happening in the process. This will lessen your child’s anxiety. Initially check in with your child every couple of days to make sure they are doing OK and to allow them to express any concerns to you.

Conversation Continued With Your Child—As They Grow

As your child grows, you will want to come back and revisit this conversation about what happened. Especially if your child is younger when the divorce occurs, because if you don’t do this, they will make up what happened.31 What I have learned in my work with kids is that even if they were only a baby when their parents’ divorced, when they are older they will make it about them. A 9-year-old boy whose parents divorced when he was a baby, said he thought it was because he was bad. It is important at each developmental stage (see developmental stages in the Appendix) to talk to your child about the end of your marriage and what happened. During these times, you can tell your child what your hopes for their future are, and reassure them of your confidence in their ability to succeed in love and life.

Misunderstood Need #4: The Need For Consistency, Structure, Rules And Discipline

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